Shivers and Scars
by hhwgv
Summary: Even as an angel, Cas was drawn to Sam. Now, as a human, he has less control over his emotions and reactions to the younger Winchester. human!Cas. Reviews are appreciated!


Since becoming a human, a lot had changed for Cas. He had to eat, drink, sleep, and use the bathroom (which he was still getting used to). The worst part was how cold everything seemed, even with layers of clothes. The desires he used to suppress easily were now much harder to ignore, especially since he was living in the bunker and spending a lot of time with the subject of the desires. He tried to push it out of his mind, tried to focus on the books and finding a way to get his grace back, but he was shivering so badly, nothing seemed to help. The first time it happened was in the library when they were supposed to be doing research. Cas was under two blankets and something Dean had called a snuggie and he was still shaking like a baby bird. "Cas, are you okay?" A concerned voice cut through his shivers. He turned to see Sam peering down at him, worry in his eyes.

"Y…yeah, I… I'm f…f…fine," Cas stuttered through chattering teeth. "J…j…just c…cold." Sam put his hand on Cas' forehead, checking for fever.

"I don't think you have a fever… Why don't you lie down?" Sam suggested, helping him over to the couch. Wherever Sam touched was warm. Suddenly Cas just wanted to feel Sam's body against his. Surely the large hunter produced enough body heat for the both of them.

"S…Sam," Cas stammered, not really sure if it was appropriate to ask. "C…c…can y…you ho…hold me?" Even as an angel, Cas had marveled at Sam's beauty and being human made Sam even more beautiful. Sam looked surprised at the request, but he would do anything to help Cas.

"Sure," Sam replied, sitting down on the couch and motioning for Cas to sit with him. Cas sat and rested against the hunter's side, like he'd seen people do in movies. The larger man wrapped his arms around Cas, rubbing his arms to generate friction, hopefully warming him up quicker.

It didn't take long before Cas stopped shaking, just listening to Sam's heartbeat and feeling his chest rise and fall with every breath was enough to ease the shivers. Sam's body was warm, mostly muscles, which Cas could feel flexing and moving. Being wrapped up in the hunter's arms was the safest Cas had felt since he'd become human. Cas' chest started to rise and fall in time with Sam's, gently lulling the angel to sleep.

It didn't take long for this to become routine. Whenever Cas felt cold, all he had to do was find Sam. He hated staying home when the Winchesters went on a hunt because that usually meant he'd be freezing until they got back. If Cas thought he was in love with Sam when he was an angel, he was definitely in love as a human.

One weekend, when the brothers were on a hunt, Cas wrapped himself into a cocoon of blankets and watched what the internet called romantic comedies, or chick flicks, as Dean liked to call them. Cas never understood that name. There were no baby chickens in any of the movies he watched. He had hoped the movies would give him insight and help him figure out a way to talk to Sam about his feelings. He didn't know if his relationship with Sam was platonic or "something more" as the people in the movies referred to it. But in the movies, they never talked about things, one person would go up to the other and they would kiss.

Sam and Dean got home late Sunday evening. Cas was waiting impatiently in Sam's room, he didn't want Dean to know in case Sam didn't feel the same way. Sam opened the door and before he even got the chance to say hello Cas was striding towards him, determined to go through with this. He was a little worried about kissing someone, he still wasn't entirely sure how to do it, but he tried to be gentle as he held Sam's face and gently pressed their lips together.

"It's nice to see you, too," Sam laughed as they pulled apart.

"Was it okay?" Cas asked nervously. He hoped he hadn't made a fool out of himself.

Sam smiled and gave him another soft kiss. "It was more than okay," he murmured. A wave of relief washed over Cas and he felt like he could breathe again. "You want to cuddle?" Sam guessed.

Cas nodded and they went to lay on the bed. This time, Cas wanted to lay face-to-face, he wanted to study Sam's beautiful face. Sam changed into some baggy sweatpants and joined the former angel on the bed. Cas hadn't seen his chest this close before, it was almost surprising. There were faded scars covering parts of it. Cas gently ran his fingers over some of the more obvious lines. "What's this one from?" Cas wondered, his fingertips tracing one that had obviously been deep.

Sam cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable. "That one's old, from when I was young. I thought I was old enough to hunt on my own, I was hunting a werewolf. It scratched me pretty deep. I probably would have died if Dean hadn't followed me and killed the thing before it killed me. I got in quite a lot of trouble for that," Sam answered quietly.

"You don't like talking about your scars," it was more of a statement than a question, but Sam nodded. "I think it's beautiful," Cas mumbled before pressing his lips against it. "Every single one is a story. They show that you've survived. They're tales of the sacrifices you made that saved so many lives." Cas continued to trace the scars with his fingertips.

Sam blushed and his heart fluttered in his chest. "I've accepted them, I just hate the way people look at me when they see them. Thankfully, most people are too uncomfortable to ask, but I see the way they stare and whisper…"

"Well, I love them," Cas decided. "I think they make you more beautiful than you already are." Sam smiled and pressed their lips together again.

"Thank you, Cas," Sam replied, cheeks warm. He wrapped his arms around the former angel and pulled him closer, giving him one final kiss before they drifted off to sleep, hearts beating in unison.


End file.
